76 Days

76 Days until I am home. 76.

I am struggling so much. Here is my struggle: I love the people in my life here...and I know I will miss them so much when I leave, but I am finding it hard to appreciate being here. I miss my family, I miss America, I miss life being easy, I miss being bored sometimes. I miss my mom cooking for me, and my dad fixing things of mine that break. I miss my brother telling me to stop taking his clothes and using his hair brush.

I know the next 76 days will fly by super fast, and yet somehow, I feel like they are doing the opposite of flying. I feel like they are crawling.

How do you teach yourself to appreciate the here and now? How do you value what you have before you don't have it anymore? How do you learn to love your life in the midst of your reasons to dislike it entirely? Why can't I be satisfied with where I am at right now? Why do I thrive on change? I love to move places, get new jobs, make new friends, change schools, change houses, change change change! Why do I love change? Does change make me secure in some weird way? Is it because I like to start over? Forget my old mess ups and break ups and begin something new?

I am a Christian. I know why I am here, I know where I came from, and where I am going. But that doesn't make it easier, being a Christian isn't supposed to make life easy. But it gives life a meaning, a purpose. If I didn't have God, if I didn't know that someone out there who is bigger than my problems was going to make sure everything would be ok, I would freak out. If I didn't know that someone was watching out for me, someone was guiding me, I would go home yesterday, well I would have never come to England in the first place.

I needed to get on here and let this out, because it is something I am struggling with daily.