ugh.

breakdown.
burn out.
bottom hit.

I want to go home. I don't want to have any more responsibilities, any more deadlines, any more plans. No more coordinating of anything, no more cooking for anyone, ahhhh no more!!!

I don't have the motivation to eat, drink, or move. I would rather sit here and wait for Sunday to come. I don't even have motivation to do my devotions, which is pretty lame, and something I'd rather not be confessing to, but here you are, admitted.

I love my job, my life, my friends. But I have reached a breaking point, where I am much happier to not be involved in anything right now.

I have one more party (have already been through 5 or 6) and then I can go home.

Going home is going to be the best thing in the whole world, but it will be very hard to come back.

its been 5 months and 10 days since I left home. It feels like its been longer and shorter all at the same time. And now I can't help but feel like I am going home for good, but that's an out of place feeling because I am only going home for 2 weeks.

anyway, the emotions needed out.

pray for me.

pray for everyone in this world who is feeling like poo. lol.

I will never lose my motivation for prayer, for it is my one comfort, my one hope, my lifeline. If I didn't have God to cling to, and heaven to look forward to, I don't know what I would do.

America in 8 days

So I go home in 9 days. well wait its midnight! I go home in 8 days. And there is a happy part and a sad part about that. The happy part is I AM COMING HOME, the sad part is, I know the 2 weeks at home will go by as quickly as the time until I leave is going by. Which is, btw, fast.

I am def. ready to go home. I need a break. I'm on the verge of BURN OUT.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. But, it's emotionally, and physically, exhausting. It's that constant feeling of letting people down, mixed in with sometimes getting it right, and never ever getting enough sleep. I catch a cold about every 2 weeks, and I eat pretty healthy. RIDICULOUS haha. I am just really busy, and a "holiday" will be so good.

I have realized so much in the past 5 months and would not trade my experience for anything.

Some things I have realized:

1. Working in a church = stress, and I know understand why pastors get burned out
2. You will never please everyone , so have tough skin
3. You will be let down, but you will let people down as well
4. those basic necesities like eating, sleeping, and exercising, become less basic when you have a busy life, and you find yourself compromising the very things that make you able to be alive, lol.
5. Why is it that I work for a church, for God, and yet, it seems so hard to find time for just God and I!?
6. The church needs more single people, those with families are too busy to be spending so much time helping , churches need more volunteers, it takes A LOT of work to run a church!!!
7. Home is a nice place to be.

I have learned a lot, but I will leave it at 7 for now.

Anyway I am totally ready to go home, but it will be weird to come back, even though I do want to. I can't wait to be with my mom, dad, and brother. I love them even more than I did 5 months ago.

I have close friends here in England, but sometimes you just long to be hugged by your family, people who love you unconditionally and you know you can't really let down. A love hug. :).

I am so blessed to have the family that I do have and I hope I never stop thanking God for them.

I wrote something today about Chris, and almost didn't post it but then I was like hey, whatever.

To: one.

and I want you to know that I’d rather be in our memories than here right now
and I want you to know that I cry for you daily
if only we could have all that time back, but how?
Promises, promises, that were oh-so deadly
so deadly in fact that I ended up killing every last one
and my only escape plan was to run, run, run...
And I want you to know that my nightmares are less than heavenly
and I want you to know that my recovery has not yet begun

...

Well goodnight :).

acr.

Giant Cookie

So I found an awesome recipe for making GIANT choc. chip cookies and have started making them a lot...here is a picture of one I made for some people :). I am really excited to come home and show my family me new cookie baking skills haha...Jesus loves you! Here is the link if you want to recipe...http://allrecipes.com/recipe/giant-chocolate-chip-cookie/detail.aspx...and the trick is to put parchment paper over a pizza pan...fill it with cookie dough about 1/2 inch thick leaving 4 inches from the edge, then make a "crust" of cookie dough about 2 inches wide all around the outer edge of the pizza pan. So there should be about 2 inches between the crust and the dough in the center, it expans while cooking so don't worry :). Voila! Then they are no burnt edges!